Setting Boundaries for Family Tech Use

By Tracey Dowdy

Dr. Richard Graham launched the U.K.’s first technology addiction program in 2010, with patients as young as four years old. One of those patients was a toddler, who had developed an unhealthy dependence on her iPad. The child used the iPad 3-4 hours a day and became visibly agitated when it was taken away from her.

Obviously such behavior is extreme and most of us wouldn’t see that as something happening in our own homes. However, setting healthy boundaries for our families, particularly for younger family members who may not have the ability to make wise choices or self-regulate yet, can be a challenge.

So what’s a parent to do? How do you determine how much is too much or how soon is too soon?  These simple guidelines can provide a framework for you and your family to raise tech-savvy kids and set healthy boundaries.

Start a conversation. “Because I said so!” has to be one of the least effective ways for parents to communicate their point of view. Helping your kids understand from the very beginning that boundaries are in place for a reason and their safety trumps any trends in social media and mobile tech is paramount. The key is to involve them in a conversation, not engage in debate. Make them part of the process, so your motives are clear you’re not just imposing an arbitrary set of rules.

Set clear rules. SafeKids.com offers several different family contracts for online safety. Contracts contain statements like “I will tell my parents right away if I come across any information that makes me feel uncomfortable” and “I will not give out my Internet password to anyone (even my best friends) other than my parents.” Contracts are broken down by age so younger children have different boundaries from teens, and they can be printed out so parents and kids can both sign. If the rules are broken, you can refer back to the contract to remind kids of the boundaries and choose appropriate consequences. Many families choose to post the contract somewhere everyone can see it like the fridge door so you never have to hear “I forgot!”

Continue to communicate. I often use the example that you would never let your preschooler play alone on a public playground and the internet is no different. With age and trust come greater levels of freedom. Obviously you want to know more about what your 5-year-old gets up to online than your high schooler, yet no topic should be off limits. Many parents use the “I pay, I play” rule. In other words, if I pay for your smartphone I get to know what you’re up to. Remember, if we as parents have heard of it, our kids are probably over it, so keep those lines of communication open.

Be careful what you post. Remind your kids of the simple principle “If you wouldn’t say it to someone’s face, you shouldn’t say it online.” The internet provides a false sense of anonymity that has led to epic levels of bullying. Teach your kids that the words they say can wound just as deeply when posted as a comment as if it was said face-to-face.

Use security features. Take advantage of the security and safety features native to your mobile devices. Smartphones in particular have security features built in but they won’t do you any good if you don’t activate them. Use common sense: Don’t let apps have access to your contacts; password protect all your devices; limit apps from tracking your location; don’t let emails and messages be previewed from the locked screen…practical, simple, secure.

Be consistent. If you set boundaries, maintain them. There’s no shorter road to frustration than constantly changing expectations and consequences. This is where a family online safety contract is invaluable. Once the rules have been established and the consequences for failing to follow the guidelines have been set, it’s up to you to follow through. You are the parent and, as you well know, a big part of teaching our kids responsibility is also teaching them that online actions have real-world consequences.

Be a good example. Kids can smell a phony better than a beagle can sniff out bacon. Follow the online contract. Be respectful, be responsible and maintain your boundaries. Sure we’ve all had to take a work call or answer an email from home but if you have a “no tech at the dinner table” rule, follow it. You’re setting yourself and your kids up for failure if you don’t do your part.

Be patient. If you’ve never really had guidelines in place before, be mindful that change is often met with resistance. Keep the lines of communication open with your kids, so they see the reasons behind your decisions. Rules are easier to follow if you’re part of the process of setting them up.

Celebrate the wins! When you see your kids putting down their smartphones or closing their laptops because they’ve used up their allotted screen time, be sure to acknowledge it. You don’t like stopping in the middle of a favorite movie or TV show and it’s no more fun if you’re just about to save the princess or crush that last piece of candy. We’re often quick to chastise when rules are broken but it’s just as important to celebrate when the rules are followed.

Be flexible. That may seem as if it contradicts my earlier statement to be flexible but it makes sense in the context that rules, like people, will change. As your children get older and demonstrate greater levels of responsibility, you can loosen those restraints. Obviously a high schooler will need greater Internet access to do homework research than a second grader. Keep the lines of communication open and be willing to revisit that contract to keep it up-to-date.

Tracey Dowdy is a freelance writer based just outside Toronto, ON. After years working for non-profits and charities, she now freelances and researches on subjects from family and education to pop culture and trends in technology. Follow Tracey on Twitter.

Comments:

  1. What’s up to all, since I am really keen of reading this blog’s post to be updated daily.
    It contains good data.

  3. Today, while I was at work, my sister stole my iPad and tested to see if
    it can survive a 30 foot drop, just so she can be
    a youtube sensation. My iPad is now broken and she has 83 views.

    I know this is totally off topic but I had to share it with
    someone!

    Also visit my web page – easiest skin care

  5. I simply wanted to thank you once more for this amazing website you have
    designed here. It can be full of ideas for those who are really interested in this specific subject, particularly this very post.
    Your all so sweet as well as thoughtful of others as well
    as reading your site posts is a great delight with me. And
    thats a generous treat! Dan and I really have excitement making use
    of your suggestions in what we must do in a few weeks.

    Our checklist is a mile long and tips are going to be put to great use.

    Here is my site :: hemp seed oil uses

  6. Hey, you used to write great, but the last several posts have been kinda boring…
    I miss your super writings. Past several posts are just a
    little out of track! come on!

    My site; lose weight

  7. Hi there, just became alert to your blog through Google, and found that it is really informative.

    I’m going to watch out for brussels. I’ll appreciate if you continue
    this in future. A lot of people will be benefited from your writing.
    Cheers!

    Feel free to visit my blog :: seeds prior

  8. Thanks for one’s marvelous posting! I quite enjoyed reading
    it, you could be a great author. I will ensure that I bookmark your blog and definitely
    will come back later on. I want to encourage one to
    continue your great writing, have a nice holiday weekend!

    Feel free to visit my web page :: hemp farming

  10. obviously like your web site but you have to take a look at the spelling on quite a
    few of your posts. Several of them are rife with spelling issues
    and I to find it very bothersome to inform the reality then again I will definitely come back again.

    my website; cannabis doctors

  11. We wish to thank you just as before for the gorgeous ideas you
    offered Jeremy when preparing her own post-graduate research as well as,
    most importantly, for providing each of the ideas within a blog post.
    In case we had been aware of your website a year ago, we might have been saved the useless measures we were selecting.
    Thanks to you.

    My website – skilled drug crime

  17. Hello this is somewhat of off topic but I was wanting to know if blogs use
    WYSIWYG editors or if you have to manually code with HTML.
    I’m starting a blog soon but have no coding experience so I wanted to get guidance
    from someone with experience. Any help would be greatly appreciated!

    Visit my web site; travel sites offer

  19. I really wanted to send a comment in order to thank you for those amazing strategies you
    are posting on this site. My extensive internet research has finally been recognized with really good tips to exchange
    with my family. I ‘d repeat that most of us readers actually are undeniably
    blessed to be in a wonderful network with so many wonderful people with helpful secrets.
    I feel really blessed to have discovered the web pages and look forward to many more brilliant minutes reading here.

    Thanks a lot once again for everything.

    Also visit my webpage … health foods

  20. Hi there, You’ve performed an incredible job.

    I will definitely digg it and for my part recommend to my friends.
    I am sure they will be benefited from this web site.

    Also visit my web-site great sex tips

  21. Hi there, yes this post is genuinely pleasant and I
    have learned lot of things from it concerning blogging.
    thanks.

  23. Undeniably consider that which you stated. Your favorite justification appeared to be at the net the simplest
    factor to have in mind of. I say to you,
    I certainly get annoyed whilst other folks think about issues that
    they plainly don’t know about. You managed to hit the nail upon the top as well as defined out
    the whole thing with no need side effect , other folks can take a signal.
    Will likely be again to get more. Thank you!

    my web-site – recommendations for an omega 3 diet (hltkd.tw)

  25. Wow, superb blog layout! How long have you been blogging for?
    you make blogging look easy. The overall look of your web site is great, let alone the
    content!

    Stop by my blog post … seeds starts

  26. Attractive section of content. I just stumbled upon your weblog and in accession capital to assert that I get actually enjoyed account your blog posts.
    Any way I will be subscribing to your feeds and even I
    achievement you access consistently rapidly.

    my page: medical cannabis

  27. Hey! This post could not be written any better! Reading through
    this post reminds me of my good old room mate! He always kept
    chatting about this. I will forward this page to him.
    Pretty sure he will have a good read. Thank you for sharing!

    My blog … perfect skin care

  28. Hey there! Quick question that’s totally off topic. Do you know how to make your site mobile friendly?
    My blog looks weird when browsing from my
    iphone 4. I’m trying to find a template or plugin that might be able to fix this issue.
    If you have any recommendations, please share. Thanks!

    My web page … weight loss

  34. It’s not my first time to pay a quick visit this site, i am browsing this
    site dailly and get fastidious data from here daily.

  35. Thank you for the good writeup. It actually used to be a
    enjoyment account it. Look advanced to far delivered agreeable from you!
    By the way, how can we be in contact?

    Feel free to visit my blog post; mhes.tyc.edu.tw

  37. It’s very easy to find out any matter on net as compared to books, as I found this
    piece of writing at this web site.

  40. Hmm it appears like your site ate my first comment
    (it was super long) so I guess I’ll just sum it up what I
    wrote and say, I’m thoroughly enjoying your blog. I too am an aspiring blog blogger but I’m still new to the
    whole thing. Do you have any suggestions for
    rookie blog writers? I’d certainly appreciate it.

    Visit my web page … benefits of hemp seed oil

  42. I actually still cannot quite assume that I could
    possibly be one of those studying the important
    suggestions found on your web blog. My family and I are seriously thankful for
    the generosity and for providing me the chance to pursue my chosen profession path.
    Appreciate your sharing the important information I obtained from your site.

    my site: hemp seeds

  43. This is the right web site for anybody who wants to understand this topic.
    You know so much its almost tough to argue coping with eczema you (not that I personally will need
    to…HaHa). You certainly put a new spin on a subject that’s
    been discussed for ages. Great stuff, just great!

  47. Hello there, You have performed an incredible
    job. I’ll definitely digg it and individually suggest to my friends.
    I am confident they’ll be benefited from this site.

    Feel free to surf to my homepage attractive skin

  48. I will immediately clutch your rss feed as I can’t in finding your e-mail subscription hyperlink or newsletter
    service. Do you’ve any? Kindly allow me recognize so that I could subscribe.
    Thanks.

    Feel free to visit my site … http://www.hltkd.tw

  49. Hey there, You have done an incredible job.
    I will definitely digg it and personally recommend to my friends.
    I’m sure they will be benefited from this web site.

    Have a look at my webpage … man skin care

  51. Hello, I think your website might be having browser compatibility
    issues. When I look at your blog site in Opera, it looks fine but
    when opening in Internet Explorer, it has some overlapping.
    I just wanted to give you a quick heads up! Other then that,
    great blog!

    My web site hair regrowth option

  52. Whoah this blog is great i like studying your posts.
    Stay up the good paintings! You know, many people are
    searching around for this information, you can aid them greatly.

    Also visit my site … hair regrowth

  55. Spot on with this write-up, I truly feel this site needs
    a great deal more attention. I’ll probably be back again to see more, thanks for
    the information!

    Here is my web site :: hemp crop

  56. This is really interesting, You’re a very skilled blogger.
    I have joined your rss feed and look forward to seeking
    more of your excellent post. Also, I’ve shared your web site in my social networks!

    Here is my web-site eating program

  58. I was wondering if you ever thought of changing the
    page layout of your site? Its very well written; I love what youve got to say.
    But maybe you could a little more in the way of content so people could connect with it
    better. Youve got an awful lot of text for only
    having 1 or two pictures. Maybe you could space it out
    better?

    Look at my website … hemp seed sprouts

  74. Günün bombası Paul Pogba’dan geldi. 2 sezon önce Juventus’tan, yetiştiği kulüp Manchester United’a 105
    milyon euroluk bonservis bedeliyle transfer olan ancak özellikle bu sezon Mourinho’yla ciddi problemler yaşayan Pogba için müthiş
    bir iddia ortaya atıldı. Günün transfer bombası Paul Pogba’dan geldi.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Recommended Articles

A Connected Home Is A Safer Home

Apps for Bonding with Your Kids

Setting Social Media Boundaries for Younger Kids

The Big Debate: When Will My Daughter Get Her Own Phone?

7 Good Smartphone Security Habits