By Tracey Dowdy

Let’s face it, as parents, most of us will never know the wonder and satisfaction of seeing one of our children stand on an Olympic podium, listening to our national anthem, grasping a gold medal in their hand. The closest we’ll get is cheering from our couches or shouting encouragement from the sidelines of a little league soccer game.

The road to that podium is hard and marked by hours of training and self-discipline. It represents overcoming self-doubt, discouragement and getting back up over and over and over again. As much as the physical discipline the achievement represents, the mental effort involved is just as strong.

Even if our kids don’t grow up to be Olympians, we can teach them to think like one. Figure skater Karen Chen is just 18 and competing at the 2018 Olympics in PyeongChang. When interviewed by Sports Illustrated Kids she said, “For me, trying new things was always very challenging and difficult. But when I stepped on the ice, all of the shyness kind of just left my body and I felt like I was really enjoying myself. I didn’t care what other people thought about me. It was just so much fun and I fell in love with the sport.”

How do we help our kids get back up when they’ve been knocked down? How do we teach them to face their fears and push through? How do we teach them to be as humble and gracious in their wins as well as their losses?

Tamar Chansky, a psychologist specializing in helping children, teens and adults overcome anxiety, wrote a great article on how to help your kids achieve that Olympian mindset. It starts with thinking of every experience as a matter of growth – not of winning and losing. By seeing every moment and experience as part of the bigger picture – constantly improving, constantly striving toward a bigger goal – immediate failure isn’t the end of the world. It’s part of the journey. Instead of seeing those moments as falling short, see them as a single data point in a much bigger project.

She also recommends teaching your kids to take that big picture perspective and think in terms of “trends and outliers” to help them understand what is typical for them and what’s the exception to the rule. This same mindset will help prevent them catastrophizing their mistakes – missing a basket, striking out, losing a heat – and thinking, “I’m no good. I shouldn’t even be here. I stink.” Being able to put those missteps in perspective is what allows skaters to get back on the ice, dancers to step back on the stage, and gymnasts to get back on the mat. Maintaining perspective is exactly how athletes are able to recover quickly, without missing a beat.

Think of how figure skaters get up after a fall during their routine and jump back in – that’s one part perspective and one part what former Olympian Kristi Yamaguchi described as “skating dumb” – allowing the muscle memory of training take over so your brain doesn’t trip you up. Teach them to rely on their training – all those hours of practice and preparation – so their brains can shut off and let their bodies do the work. Over-analysis in the moment leads to mistakes and frustration.

When all else fails, remember that our heroes sometimes fall short of their aspirations as well. Even though they’ve practiced and pushed their bodies and minds further than they ever thought possible, sometimes mistakes happen. It’s part of being human. That’s when they turn to their coaches – people fully invested in their success – for their feedback and support. Teach your kids to be open to what the coach has to say, whether it’s changing the way they think or train and be willing to accept the criticism. No one gets to the Olympics by hearing only what they want to hear.

“Practice, perseverance and physical training are essential but not the whole picture,” Chansky says.

So much of it is attitude. Says Chen, “I wanted to show people that if you work hard, never give up and believe in yourself, you can achieve success.”

Tracey Dowdy is a freelance writer based just outside Washington DC. After years working for non-profits and charities, she now freelances, edits and researches on subjects ranging from family and education to history and trends in technology. Follow Tracey on Twitter.

By Tracey Dowdy

How many times have you sat down to watch your favorite show or stopped to play Legos with your kids but instead of relaxing, you kept running through the list of things you “should” be doing? For many of us, the answer to that question is, “Every time.” We live our lives at full speed and rarely take the time to stop and catch our breath.

Not only is it a bad idea for your physical health – stress has been linked to high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity, and diabetes – it’s detrimental to your mental health as well.

How do you know if you’re starting to run on Empty? The American Institute of Stress has a list of 50 Common Signs and Symptoms of Stress. It’s by no means an exhaustive list, but if you find yourself saying, “Yep, that’s me,” again and again as you read the list, it’s time for life change.

You can start by putting aside those feelings of guilt for taking time to sit in a quiet space and read a book, go for a run, have a cup of tea, or watch an episode of “Friends” on Netflix. Regularly taking the time for a little self-care can have a profound impact on your overall health and well-being.

In an article for Psychology Today, Dr. Neal Burton says the next step is to come up with strategies for preventing, avoiding, or diffusing your stress. One of the most effective and easiest ways is through deep breathing. Breathe in through your nose and hold your breath for five seconds. Next, purse your lips and gradually let the air out on a seven count. Let out as much air as you can. Repeat, focusing on your breathing. Use your hands to motion in and out to help you concentrate.

You can also pair deep breathing with relaxation exercises. Begin by lying on your back, tighten the muscles in your toes for 10 seconds, and then relax them completely. Wait 10 seconds, and repeat. You can apply the same tense/release pattern to your feet, ankles, and calves until you work up to your head and neck.

Both these techniques stimulate your parasympathetic nervous system. Our sympathetic nervous system enables our “fight or flight” response, while the parasympathetic has the opposite effect by producing a feeling of calm and relaxation in both the mind and body. If your body is constantly stressed, the parasympathetic system can’t function properly, and your mental and physical health are impacted.

In conjunction with these relaxation techniques, look for long-term changes that will reduce your stress like practicing mindfulness and putting an end to multi-tasking. Easier said than done, I know. How long would it take for the wheels to fall off if you stopped multi-tasking? Perhaps it’s more practical to say, “Stop multitasking when you’re trying to relax.”

To practice what I preach, I set a single-screen rule for myself. More often than not, I found myself scrolling through my phone while watching TV. I wasn’t fully paying attention to either – no wonder it wasn’t refreshing or relaxing. Focus on the task at hand, whether it’s playing Barbies, Minecraft, or watching another episode of Stranger Things.

Learn to be present, take your time, and be proud of yourself for taking a break. Studies show that individuals who practice self-care improve their overall health, strengthen relationships, and live more fulfilling lives.

Now that’s something to stop and think about.

Tracey Dowdy is a freelance writer based just outside Washington DC. After years working for non-profits and charities, she now freelances, edits and researches on subjects ranging from family and education to history and trends in technology. Follow Tracey on Twitter.

By Tracey Dowdy

Valentine’s Day is equal parts the sweetest and most overrated holiday of the year – possibly only New Year’s Eve can top its ability to fall short of expectations.

It may seem tasteless to say what gift you’d like, but dropping some heavy hints is never a bad idea. Instead of flowers and chocolate, maybe your idea of the perfect gift is an hour or two of peace and quiet, or perhaps having your partner vacuum or fold that heap of laundry at the foot of the bed is everything you’re dreaming of.

These gifts offer all of that – well, maybe not folding the laundry – but they will make your Valentine’s Day a little sweeter and your life a little easier…the perfect gift is out there.

Nothing signals “Mom needs a timeout,” better than slipping on some headphones. There are roughly eleventy-two jillion options out there from high-end options like Bose QuietComfort 35 Noise Cancelling Wireless Headphones ($349.00), to less expensive but still good quality sets like Skullcandy Jib Bluetooth Wireless In-Ear Earbuds ($34.99). Consider what you’ll be using them for – exercising, noise canceling for focus, working in the yard or around the house – and use a handy guide like this one to narrow down the best match for your needs.

Whether or not you’ve ever cared to keep up with a Kardashian, queen-of-selfies Kim swears by her LuMee phone case. Compatible with Android and Apple devices, the case casts a warm, natural glow, so your photos are Instagram worthy even before you apply a filter.

The Amazon Echo Dot and Google Home Mini are the closest most of us will ever get to having our own personal assistant. Both are voice controlled and activated, enabling you to ask it to play music, get weather and news updates, set timers, and control other smart-home devices. The biggest difference between the two is the platforms they run on – the Echo Dot runs on Amazon’s Alexa platform, and the Home Mini runs on Google Assistant. You can compare the two here.

If jewelry is your thing, have I got a smartwatch for you. Skagen’s Mini Hald or Signatur T-Bar are beautiful, sleek, and smart. Once paired with your Android or Apple device, the watch will send you smartphone notifications anytime you receive a text, email, or call. You can filter which notifications you want to receive, but because the watch features a traditional face, it’s discreet.

If you’re really stuck and not sure which direction to go, TekCrate offers a monthly subscription service that wants to “maximize the technology you use in your daily life” by helping you keep up with trends in the tech industry. When you sign up, you choose the category you’re most interested in: original, geek, PC or gift, and they’ll ship you a box with three to five items. The Original contains practical items like charging adapters for your car, a ring-stand for your phone case or screen cleaning wipes. Geek is best suited for those into comics, gaming, and movies; PC for computers, gaming, and modding; and the Gift option is a non-subscription/one-time purchase filled with fun items from each of the subscription boxes.

Tracey Dowdy is a freelance writer based just outside Washington DC. After years working for non-profits and charities, she now freelances, edits and researches on subjects ranging from family and education to history and trends in technology. Follow Tracey on Twitter.